How to Clear a Country Pub in Less then 10 Seconds

The Art Deco styling of the Coramba Pub

The town in which we live nearby has, one general store, one primary school, and an old church. That is it - the rest is pasture and scattered housing. So when we want to have a night out we have to travel into the main centre of Coffs Harbour, or the closer but much smaller town of Coramba. Coffs Harbour has everything but I would hardly call it 'a great night out'. Coramba has only one small country pub - but they have a new chef - and it is Russell Crowe's local!

Heather, the book rep who travels up to our way every two months and stays with us, arrived at 5:30pm. She drove up the driveway very slowly to check out the lambs, especially her namesake. At 6pm we picked up the neighbours for dinner. We had decided to travel to Coramba, about 10minutes away, for dinner and drinks. The first time I had been to the pub meals were a ridiculous $30 each. But the new owner had meals from $11.50!

Our group of 5 was the best dressed in the pub - hardly surprising when usually there is a load of workmen with mullets - and that is just the women! We sat down to our meal and drinks and had a few laughs. One member of the group wanted to play the pokies and I commented what a waste of money and they are boring. So I took my $2 to the jukebox. Normally a person would choose a tune and then put the money into the slot, but I put the money in straight away and then stressed about the music. I knew that once I choose one song it would play with everyone looking at me should the choice be strange. My eyes scanned the lists and I saw that they Danish music, R&B, Rock/Folk.... wait up! Danish music in a country Australian pub? Then they had hits of Finland? The choice was then too easy. I picked two Finnish songs and then a normal folk song.

The music was loud with the strange tones of a female Finnish singer blearing out. As I walked back to our group I saw the looks on their faces "What the f#&k is this music?" The workman grabbed their hats, finished their beer, and left the pub. We were the only people left in the bar, seriously the only people left! The bartender started cleaning up and someone in the group apologised for ruining the bartender's night. He smiled and thanked us for clearing everyone out - he even commented that perhaps I could be used in the future to get rid of the stranglers.

Finnish music is the way to clear out men in a pub. A lesson to you all.