Myles' Folly, and My Lemon Meringue Pie

After coming home from dinner at the neighbour's place on Wednesday night I was shocked to see a Black Whip Snake curled up at the front door. Myles just walked over it not noticing it was there. I followed him and freaked as I jumped halfway across but had to keep going. Only that day I had commented to Myles that I was useless at spotting camouflaged snakes and he told me to get my eyes checked, again. Well Myles didn't believe that a snake was at the front door, or that he had walked over it - so went outside and checked. Looking a little po faced he agreed there was a snake.

Well Mr Smarty Pants, you didn't see a black snake, on pale pavers, with a light beamed directly on it! Who needs the glasses?

Myles decided the snake need to be relocated and got a spade to flick it away. I told him that it wasn't a good idea - just leave it alone and it will leave. He didn't take my advice and flicked the snake away and jumped back inside. I asked him "how'd that work for you?"<insert sarcasm> and he said that he thought it had left but he would check. I told him to stay inside because if it hadn't left it would be pretty pissed off. Again he didn't listen and went outside only to be confronted by a pissed off snake who wanted revenge. He jumped inside, slammed the door shut and locked it - because we all know snakes are master lock-picks!

There are 2 morals to that story 1. Steve is always right and 2. don't play with snakes after a few drinks.

To today: I killed a frog - I didn't mean too! I was brush-cutting near the front dam and the blade hit a huge frog, killing it instantly.  So that means I have killed one goat, one snake, a wallaby, and now a big frog. I don't think Wires (Australian Wildlife Rescue Organisation) is going to accept me in their club.

We have been invited to another neighbour's for dinner tonight. Myles told everyone that I would make a dessert for the evening, somehow I have gotten a reputation for making dessert. Looking through the cupboards I decided to make a Lemon Meringue Pie - which is a little silly because I have never done it before. My Mother used to make it every so often and even perfected it in the microwave - yes it is possible but not as nice as the baked variety. I know the basic theory but still read several recipes and blogs on the topic - to ensure mine would be 'perfection'.

First I had to make the base - Short Crust Pastry. Easy, mix flour, butter, salt, egg, and sugar. Then refrigerate, and rest it. Roll it and then place in the tray - making sure the pastry is not stretched.

To make the filling I did it the hard way. I read people used condensed milk, or cornflour. Instead I made the filling as you would make a hollandaise sauce - whisking it on a double boiler. Eggs, lemon juice, lemon zest, sugar and butter. It thickened beautifully and tasted wild. I read that everything needs to hot when putting the pie together - or seepage occurs. That meant I had to be watching the pastry cook while whisking the filling and planning on the meringue.

After filling the pie shell with the lemon custard, and putting it in the oven, I whisked up the meringue. My arm is still a little tired from doing it. When the pie filling was cooked I chucked on the meringue and baked it in the oven for another 15 minutes.

It looks yummy. Hopefully the neighbours will like it.

Bats, Monitors, and a Rogue Wallaby

We had a strange couple of day with a few encounters with the local wildlife than even our neighbour hadn't experienced, or so he said.

4am Yesterday we were woken to a noise downstairs. I usually lie in bed pretending to be asleep and let Myles find out what noises are. He is curious by nature leading to trouble - once we heard gun shots in Sydney and Myles was determined to have a look; there was also once someone trying to break into our house - Myles wanted to open the door to see who it was...? Some how he lives to tell the tale.

Reason why doors shouldn't be left open - from NT Times

So Myles went downstair yesterday to find Lily, the biggest dog, inside. She sleeps on the balcony because she is really far too big to be inside. Myles hadn't closed the door properly and she had nosed the door open. I got up to see what all the commotion was about. After hearing how Lily got in I start nagging Myles about how "I had told him to make sure all the doors where closed because a snake could get inside". Whilst letting Fritz he was in a bit of a daze out. He then suddenly looked more alert and said "I think there is something in here with us. Maybe a mouse."

I told him to let Fritz back in and there wasn't a mouse in the house because he wouldn't have heard it. Then there was a little sound but I told him it must be an insect and to get back to bed. He walked up the stairs and promptly got hit in the face by a bat. We scrambled to open up a door and get the bat out of the house, ushering it into the downstairs bathroom. It was then released outside. Again we made our way upstairs and was attacked by another bat - same evac. procedures were used. We both stared at each and laughed about how good it was not to have vampire bats in Australia Where else would you get bats in the house? Myles went back to bed and I stayed awake until breakfast.

The Monitor - looks like a Lace Monitor

That day we were visited by a Monitor - I always thought a monitor was attached to a computer screen - wrong. It is a huge lizard that mainly eats meat - nice. They can bite you but only if you corner the thing. Myles grabbed the camera and snapped off a few shots before it ran, fast, away.

The dam at the front

Finally, today, while cutting the grass on a bank of the property near our dam I came across a Wallaby hiding in the long grass and under a tree. He/she had stayed very still until the bladed brush-cutter had invaded it's home. The poor thing ran in-front of me, making me jump, scream and pee myself. By running in-front of me it hit the blade, but still bounded on. Hopefully it just got a bruise, would hate to have killed the cute critter.

Home Butchery 101

I don't usually do so many updates in one week but I have to make an exception today.

Our four original sheep were always a sickly lot. We had no way of transporting the animals so the breeder just sent four sheep in their transport - we didn't get to choose them. Traditionally breeders will always sell their worst animals first - and I think that is what we got. They were a little runty and we assumed that breeder had vaccinated them and drenched them before delivering them. It took one to die before we managed to drench and vaccinate all of them. This morning we only had one of those sheep left, and by morning tea that sheep was lying on her side. I went down and sat her upright and gave her some food and medicine. I've seen this before so I knew the writing was on the wall for her.

At lunchtime Myles took down a knife after seeing she was on her side again. After sitting her upright and getting her a drink, he decided that he was only keeping her alive because he didn't really want the job of killing her. He, in my opinion, decided to do the right thing and put her out of her misery. He told me that he said goodbye, did the deed, and dragged her undercover of the hot sun. He said that doing it was difficult, but thinking about it afterwards was harder - I agree.

We had already asked a vet what we could do with a sick animal - the vet told us that as long as the internal organs aren't eaten everything is fine. So this time rather than bury her we decided to butcher her for dog food. Both Myles and I have naturally not had any experience in this matter, so called the neighbour who had a little experience. He came down with a couple of hooks and sharp knives. Myles volunteered me to help out as he was working in his 'Ivory Tower'.

We strung the sheep up and I learnt how to remove the skin. It reminded me of 'Silence of the Lambs' because the sheep has lost so much weight that the skin came straight off - if you remember the film the serial killer starved the victim so the skin came off easily. I assumed that there would be loads of blood etc but it was pretty clean. So the carcass was left hanging in the tree without a coat - we noticed at that point there wasn't a lot of meat on the old girl. We also noticed we had annoyed a nest of Jack Ants <they bite hard> so had to move the body to one side, and our neighbour removed the internal organs. I have always been able to close my nose off so I can't smell anything, and so I did at this point. Apparently the smell was disgusting and the neighbour struggled not the throw-up. Myles could smell it in his office! It didn't worry me.

I had collected her 'guts' in an old fishing tray. While moving the tray out of the way I was reminded of Luke Callan from Whangarei Boys High. Our then science teacher, Phil Summerhays, had demonstrated how the lungs of a sheep work. He had asked all the boys to stand on the lab benches so we could all have a good look at the sheep's innards. Mr Summerhays then blew down the windpipe, which had been covered with paper-towels, to inflate the lungs. Poor Luke couldn't handle seeing the lungs expand and the heart muscle jump, and pasted out - falling 1.5 metres to the ground. This obviously did not happen to me after seeing the innards of the sheep, both times. Interestingly I just googled Luke and notice he is a pharmacist nowadays - so he must have studied the internal organs a little more.

The carcass was then cut up and what little is left will be fed to the dogs - as I did not want to eat a sick sheep. I think I could do it again - the killing of an animals is much harder than the butchering.

Playing Snakes and Ladders

Snake season has almost ended - hopefully they will be all tucked up nice and warm in their holes very soon and I won't have to see them for another 6 months. I have never been fond of snakes, in-fact I have always been verging on the side of being ophidiophobic. Over the last 6 months of living on the farm this has lessoned but even seeing a photo of a snake makes me a little anxious.


They say you gain phobias from childhood experiences. I believe after living in New Zealand - where there are no snakes - and then moving to Singapore, my parents were, rightly, overly cautious about us kids coming across snakes. I have no childhood memories to back this hypothesis up but it seems to be the only logical explanation for my compulsion to soil my nappies whenever I see, or think, a snake is close to me. I've heard the stories of family members coming across snakes in Sembawang, Singapore, but can only remember the zoo experience with a snake. I seem to be happy holding the tail of the snake but I feel my older sister, Dale, was much wiser with her emotions. Perhaps compared to the shame of later wearing a pinkish safari suit the snake was a breeze.

In 2007 Myles and I paid a visit to the Snake zoo in Bangkok and I was, not so, pleasantly surprised to have a snake wrapped around my neck. A couple of locals came up behind me while I was talking to Myles. Naturally Myles didn't say anything until I felt a huge weight on my shoulders and the local saying "take photo". I believe my comment to Myles was something like...


"Take the f$#ken photo" while struggling to breathe. So the smile in the photo is really a sham.


Upon arriving at the farm I spent a good 2 weeks cutting down trees and shrubs in the hope the snakes wouldn't come near the house.Nature doesn't listen to reason though...


I believe Myles and I spotted Vera, green tree snake, early in the piece. Myles, knowing my dislike of snakes, told me to stay away from the garage because there was a snake. I just had to have a look and saw Vera moving along the driveway. She stopped once I was spotted so I yelled at her to get off my property - and she did - later to return.


While my brother and I were moving some logs we came across a Red Belly Black, one of the most poisonous snakes. I relocated it because it was living near the house.


2 weeks ago a 9ft python knocked a couple of glass jars of the balcony on it's way to find food. Fritz was quick brought inside as he is a good meal size.


And finally, on the weekend Myles investigated the reason for the sensor light coming on at night. He came back inside a little whiter than normal and announced that there was a snake in the garage and a snake wrapped around the sensor light. He then got a torch and invited me to look - because I had asked what sort of snakes they were and he couldn't tell. Both snakes had partially hid by the time I got down. But we think one was the 9ft python that had come onto our deck a couple of weeks ago and the other looked like it had a small head but no body colouring could be seen.


The garage was cleaned out the next morning with no snakes thankfully found. We also ripped down the front door tin sheeting, as several snakes have been spotted traveling along it. After wobbling around on ladders there is clear sheeting replacing the old tin - hopefully the snakes are afraid of heights so will not want to look down while they travel along it.

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen

Myles and I have owned 4 houses/apartments over 16 years and have been told by our solicitor that perhaps we should stay put so that the government doesn't get all those extra taxes -whoops! too late. The best thing about owning a house is renovating to how you like which usually, for me, starts with the kitchen. I always have in mind what I want for a kitchen months/years in advance and then the rest of the house works around that design.

I got my idea for my kitchen in Darlington, Sydney from a commercial kitchen installed in the department store Grace Bros (not from 'Are You Being Served?'). Really it was all about the cobalt blue walls and stainless steel appliances, and I just needed the rest filled in. When we approached a kitchen company the sales person tried to talk me out of the blue, but I refused. In the end, when the kitchen was finished, he agreed the blue looked fantastic and he had never completed a kitchen like it. I also think the kitchen was the selling point of the house that was only 3.5 metres wide!

Original Kitchen

When we moved into the country I looked at the original kitchen and knew it had to be changed quickly. The cupboards were rotting and there was almost no bench space - not to mention there was no room for my massive fridge. It doesn't really make sense to renovate the kitchen first - ceilings, plumbing and electrical work should really be finished first. But I do love to cook and didn't think I would last in the original manky kitchen. The fate of the kitchen was sealed when we learnt that Myles' parents were visiting for Christmas, along with his brother, and we kept finding 5 dead mice per day in the rotting cupboards. And so the design in my head was unleashed.

New Kitchen

We visited a few kitchen companies and eventually settled with a local company with a sales person/owner we thought was very helpful. Our bathrooms were also installed by this company. The whole process was a chore with many mistakes and parts left uncompleted. During the installation process the company reneged on verbal agreements - stating they weren't listed in the contract. So on Christmas eve when I was called by the owner asking for payment on the unfinished kitchen and bathrooms I refused stating the contract said payment on completion of the project. He got incredibly angry, and I quote "So you want to play these games do you?" and tried to blackmail by saying that I was preventing his workers getting paid for the Christmas break, amongst other things. He then hung up on me.

The Super Oven

Now I have been abused many times before - notably the infamous Ms Wei Hung while working at Kinokuniya - so his phone conversion shocked me, but didn't rattle me. He rang a hour later noticeability calmer but still insistent that we pay, claimed that the work was almost complete. My father had a great line that I should have used "Yes it is almost complete, and I am almost ready to pay". Alas I didn't think that quickly at the time. Eventually all the work was completed and we paid. Some parts on our behalf haven't been finished; there is no ceiling and the paint work hasn't even been started. But the kitchen looks pretty good. I wrote the owner a lovely letter stating that he was both unprofessional, and rude, and that I would be making sure everyone knew not to use his business. I also stated he must be in financial trouble if he needed my money to pay his workers.

View from the Front Window

His visit 2 weeks later was very awkward and he said he was disappointed that I had written the letter. My response "I was disappointed with him for making me write it".  Needles to say he said that everything that went wrong with the job was either my fault, or his workers fault. Basically, if you are in the area I can tell you who not to have a kitchen built by.

The Side Yard - this Area was completely overgrown when we moved in

From the kitchen you can see the side garden where much of the vegetables are grown, and to the front is the entertaining area. So the kitchen really is the heart of the home.

Vampires are not the Only Blood Suckers

Well can I start off today letting people know that the bad things always make better stories. I am hardly going to tell you the exciting story from yesterday where Myles and I successfully vaccinated the sheep - my first time using a hypodermic needle - boring! Failure is far more funny than success. Laughing at someone's misfortunes has always been a favourite - slapstick humour etc - and I am happy to be your clown.

Leeches

In my life I have heard of leeches a few times; James Bond going though a mash in Octopussy and burning the leeches of his body with a cigarette lighter; that scary story from Primary School where a man gets lost in the Amazon and who eventually dies from all the nasty animals there. So after discovering that leeches were on our property one tends to be a little shocked. Our land has 4 dams and sits in a gully - perfect to collect water.  However all this water and long grass has made the area a haven for leeches. You can be walking through the grass and get back to the house to find in the first 5 seconds of entering 'the wild' a leech has sensed you and latch, on sucking out all that lovely, and fatty, blood from a lower vein.

The leech has no eyes or ears, but can sense your heat and movement. These bloodsuckers move around like an inch worm with their 'head' in the air trying to find something to suck dry. They hang around damp areas but dislike excessive rain and start going working their way uphill to get away from drowning. Our house sits at the top of a gully so every so often our entertaining deck has a few leeches on it. Luckily we don't entertain on the deck while it is raining!

Prevention is Better than the Cure
There are a few of ways to prevent leeches

1. Don't go outside, ever

2. Use Rid

3. Cover up so well that nothing can get through your clothes.

If you do get bitten it is likely that the wound will bleed for a couple of days and itch like hell. This is because as the leech removes your blood he is also injecting you with an anti-cogulant and a natural anaesthetic so you don't know it is actually attached to you BASTARDS!

On average I get one leech bite a week. For most people a leech is nothing more than an inconvenience, but unfortunately for me I do feel a little sick for a few days afterwards. I am attesting as the reason why I was feeling sick the first few months living up here and why I feel better now I take precautions. Myles has been a little more unfortunate when it comes to leeches. In the first week he feel down a steep bank with the brush-cutter and later found a massive leech attached to his neck. He had scratched the leech without knowing and there was more blood than one could have imaged from something so small. He looked like Carrie <cultural reference from a movie> and screamed for help when he saw his neck in the mirror. The neighbour is a nurse and after seeing the damage he was bandaged up to make sure it didn't get infected.

A few weeks later Myles still hadn't fully learnt his lesson. He went to the same bank, this time with long jeans on, this would stop the leeches! A couple of hours later he returned to his desk and started playing around on the computer while I worked downstairs. After a little while I heard Myles scream out and ran upstairs to see the problem. He had looked down and seen that the crotch area on his jeans was covered in blood and was struggling to get out of those jeans. Jeans were off and his boxer short were covered in blood, more shouting and he pulled them off. The discovery was less than thrilling for him and a shock to me. The leech had worked it's way up his leg and found 'the main vein' below his waist. <need I explain more?>. Having to bandage that area was difficult and there was a fair amount of blood - I can't image how itchy it was later.

So if you are visiting make sure you use Rid if it is raining - even if going for a walk down the driveway.

Starting the Dairy - not in the Kiwi way

YOGURT

I've been making my own yogurt for a few months thanks to the yogurt maker my Mother bought me late last year. Using this yogurt maker and the officially sanctioned powder you can make 1kg of yogurt for $3.60. Extremely good value! I usually make the plain yogurt so I can use it for cooking or flavour it with fresh fruit. The yogurt maker is available through all good supermarkets.

A couple of months ago my brother cottoned onto the fact that most of the official packet mix was milk powder with a little bit of yogurt culture mixed in. He guessed that if you keep a couple of tablespoons of a previous batch of yogurt and mixed it with fresh milk you could make a complete new batch without buying the packet. I tried it and would you believe it he was correct! (You can even use milk powder, but not UHT) So the cost of 1kg of yogurt has now gone to 80cents! The only problem I have found is that you can't do the same thing for the next batch - the culture becomes contaminated and the yogurt is a milky mess and tastes off. So I have now come to a new solution. Make a batch from the packet and freeze it. Then use an ice-cream spoon and add the two tablespoons and milk to your machine. Back to 80 cents per kilo again!

CHEESE
Sometimes it takes a family to push you along. I have always thought of making cheese but didn't know where to start. My brother bought me a cheese kit for my birthday this year so I thought I would give it a go - thinking it was difficult. I read the manual from cover-to-cover and then investigated online how to make different cheeses. Eventually I didn't use the kit but it did push me in the right direction.

Lemon Cheese

Lemon Cheese - make it at home

This is so easy! Just heat 2L of full cream milk to 36ish degrees then add the juice of a lemon. I used milk powder which works but has less yield. After a few minutes you should see the milk solids detach from the liquid. (Curds and Whey) When they have all separate pour the mixture through a cheese cloth or old clean pillowcase. Let it drip through until you are happy that most of the whey has gone. Then flavour with salt and chives. The next day you will have an awesome spread for your bread - or even a dip!

Cheddar Cheese
After the success of the Lemon Cheese I thought this cheese making is easy and so went for a really difficult cheese, cheddar. I read up online how to make this hard cheese and found you could make a temporary cheese press out of an old coffee can and something. I had the coffee can and about 6000 heavy books!

The Disaster

So milk was heated, junket added, a yogurt culture added and all the instructions followed. I had separated the curds and whey and put them in the cloth, and that into the can. Now the weight was added - my blender jug with le Cruiseo baking pan balancing on top. There was plenty of weight and I left it for an hour or so. Later in the evening I heard the jug fall from the bench and shatter all over the new titles! The balancing was not correct and one half of the cheese had flattened before the other and the whole thing tipped sideways. May I say that I love that blender - real love - and now it was gone. Stupid me! So I went out to the ute and got one of those ratchet type straps, and strapped that damn cheese down applying loads of pressure. A few wooden spoons were thrown across the room as everything was going wrong. The next morning I did having something that resembled cheese but didn't think it wise to eat it. So many things had touched the cheese. I'm getting a cheese press and trying again though. Any ideas where to get one?

Steve's Made-Up Cheese
Here is today's effort - no recipe and no instructions - I'm guessing this one and seeing what happens.

I used about 1 litre of full cream milk and 100ml of cream. 1 half tablet of junket and heated the mixture to 36 degrees in a double boiler.

I'm then going to cube the mixture and leave it a bit. Then heat it up and mix it. Finally straining it to see what happens.

Maybe the dogs will be eating it tonight!